There is a principle of the very basic education that says that you cannot expect others to do what you do not do , or what is the same, that the “do as I say, I do not” is a very poor educational method doomed to failure, because children pay more attention to our example than our words.
As we explained a couple of years, raising a child is everything we do when we are not educating them , so we parents think a little about what we asked them to do, because we demand things totally convinced that it is but then it is best that we do not do them : nine things we hope to do our children, then we do not do.
Obey without question
For decades, the obedient one has been a quality highly valued by adults: “What good, what child so obedient”, “what children so well educated, how obedient are” when the reality is that obedience can be dangerous in many ways. Of course, there are times when a child should obey their parents, there is very dangerous situations, but be clear that the more obedient a child is, the less you have to think. The more you follow the instructions of their parents, much less know why he does what he does, and therefore have less reasoning ability.
Ideally we educate children helping resolve situations and problems they face. We talk to them; we dialogue, and give us your opinion, your solution, and how they would do them. This does not mean we have to do what they say, what they choose, but that we should allow (and promote) to think.
In addition, children, before being allowed to compel obedience in all situations that occur to us, complain, rechistan and give their opinion, as would we when our boss requires us to do something that does not seem to us well, or when someone expects we obey without saying anything.
Before the drawings were seen only in a specific time and now there is only channels you can watch them at all times of day, but also can see them online. Before announcements were just toys at Christmas and are now all year. Before capabilities children to have fun away from home and now we buy things for them to play in and not run in the silent dangers. Previously children had to endure if their parents do not spend much time with them and now we feel bad parents and bought her affection, and supplant this deficiency.
Come on , we do them capricious us, replacing our time with them for material things and then tell them they are not capricious … just when we walk ourselves what a trip always looking to do, what to buy shoes or what will replace mobile we carry because we bought it as a prize. A reward for all that works. A “I buy it because I deserve it”, instead of considering that the same would be better not deserve it, work a little less and to be so more time with our children, to pass them either we asked so many material things.
You may also like to read another article on Yellovvkitty: How do we harm our children whenever we shout them?
Share their things
How many people do you have left your watch these last days? Moreover, your phone for a few hours? And your car? Your floor? Your shoes? Your clothes? Your purse? Because if the answer is “no” seems clear that we are not sharing our stuff too. For children, toys are toys, and if you are playing with them or have at their side because in a little while they will, is not just another child the catch and let , especially if your child does not want to leave .
We confuse share with solidarity and hope children learn it from very small. They are very capable of solidarity helping other people, other children, but it seems clear that we have the value of the property, and it is they who have to decide when, how and what to leave other children.
Still, there comes a time when they do, because they discover they like when other children lend them their stuff … not something we have to teach them from very small.
Do not complain when we humble ourselves
Obviously, the ideal is never humiliating them, but unintentionally, or wanting, many parents do: speak of them as if they were not present, and somehow they feel ridiculous (or ridiculed). They talk to them about serious things, when there are people in front, rather than away and in a moment of intimacy, discuss something. They scream, beat them, make them feel bad; make them physical and psychological harm in order to educate them, and hope they consider that’s good or normal.
Then it passes that bounce off, to complain, and parents still take it worse, as an offense. We do not assemble adults in anger when someone humiliates us in any way. “What does he think? Who is believed to be to talk like that?”
That they eat what they do not like
Sure, they food, which we do, but pretend they eat what they do not like can not do is somewhat strange because when we cook for ourselves we do not usually make us what we do not like, “Good, now I I made a cod recipe, I cannot stand it.”
Yes, of course, there are parents who say this “well look, I do not like and well I like,” but we cannot expect children to understand it easily. In these cases it may go well what the “try it, eat a little, etc. , ” but we must not despair: If you always cook healthy food, if there is always healthy food at home and in short supply so insane, we can rest assured that eat what eat, we know that they are eating well . The example of parents does the rest, and often is when they are older when they decide to eat what not proved small for the simple fact that others do as well or because they know that is healthy and want to care.
To be able to control their frustration
What is the same, things happen that do not like and do not complain when it is precisely the most logical. Different is that the answer is disproportionate to what we consider logical, but this is something they are shaping over time as they encounter more problems and situations to solve, at the same time they discover the world in which they live and go downplaying his problems with respect to others.
Are we able to control frustration? Because as Carlos Gonzalez says , sometimes we are the parents who do not tolerate frustration:
The frustration tolerance is not something you have to have children, but the parents. When a child is frustrated he will respond normally (screaming, crying, getting angry) and adults must tolerate frustration. That does not mean giving everything he asks. We will not allow to play with fire we remove the cigarette lighter and go. However, by removing the burner, he is to be angry, and what we cannot do is scold him for being angry (“Shut up once, do not be heavy!”), or ridicule (“How ugly you wear when you cry”). If we can, we take in a distraction lighter and avoid conflict. In addition, if we do not put up with: it will mourn, and we must try to comfort him.
You may also like to read another article on Yellovvkitty: Do you suspect your child has a hearing problem? Do not let go
Do not interrupt when others speak
What rage it was when we were kids and we said this “silent, that older are talking” and had to remain silent while an immense because he never yielded us the word. In addition, all to see including adults, they are continually trod dialogues and did not respect the shifts.
Okay you can tell a child “wait a minute” if you are discussing something with another person and comes straight talk about another topic, but it is sometimes also want to speak on something that is being talked about , and many parents will not let them.
Do not say bad words
Or tacos, or profanity. This is a classic. They cannot, but we let go of them you’ll quickly and then we get angry because we discovered that not only saved but are able to embed skillfully within their dialogues. It appears that say even more times than we do, just because the handle to perfection.
Here , to each do what you think best, but if they say, something will be … in my house, for example, are relatively permitted, therefore, but call attention to them when they are going, when they abuse them, and when they do away from home. Just as you do not behave like a hospital than at home, or in a store than at home, they must learn not talk to other people like that in a climate of confidence.
Deciles you do not yell or hit you
Not in all cases, of course, but it is very curious to see some parents screaming at their kids “I told you I do not cry!”, Or hitting them while! A dad does not stick it!”